We've made it almost to the end it to the end of Gallup's Elements of Employee Engagement. Today I want to discuss number ten, which is my personal favorite:
I have a best friend at work.
This one is my favorite because it's been the one that has helped shape the way I think about the role of work in my life more than any other. Not only have I almost always had a best friend at work, but my best friends in life almost all came from work, too. For me, this one is the most personal.
At 24, my best friend at work was Donna. She was 15 years older than me and recently divorced, and returning to work to build her new, post-married life. From Donna I learned not to take things personally, to be non-judgmental with your friends, and that friendship is about helping you grow and explore. She was also my first, clearest and most lasting example of a woman choosing her own life, needs and freedom over the ease and security of a marriage she didn't want to be in anymore. Twenty years later, Donna insists that I am still 24-years-old in her head. I still insist that I can't imagine my 20's with out her.
At 28, my best friend at work was Joe. He had started off as my boss, left the company and returned, and was no longer my boss. From Joe, I learned how important it was to be curious and grow in your career. I watched his story evolve over time to transform, and it didn't seem weird or unusual that he iterated through a few things before he figured out what he wanted. From him I also learned that the hardest, longest day at work can be made better and less maddening when you can laugh.
At 32, my best friend at work was Tiffany. Tiff is a politically conservative Mormon mom across the country. She and I were the LEAST likely Frick-and-Frack pair ever. From her, I learned that you don't have to agree on everything to form a great team. I learned the value of having a peer you trust and respect to talk through ideas with. I learned how invaluable the perspective of a quiet, methodical introvert can be in my overly talkative, impulsive, novelty-seeking world. I still catch myself asking how Tiffany would react to something when my emotional charge spikes and I start seeing red.
At 38, my best friend at work was Maija. Four times I worked with Maija -- 3 of which involved me actually hiring her. From the very first time we started working together, Maija taught me that you have to be willing to ask the question you think you should already know in order to get better. She taught me that each relationship you build has to stand on its own, and that you can't assume you know someone from what you hear or see in others. She taught me about balancing a life and work, and she has taught me how invaluable it is for your life when you pick the right spouse -- something I'd always dismissed as unrelated to my career development.
One of the reasons I knew my last corporate job was my swan song was because I had so many 'best friends' there that I couldn't begin to list them here now, and I did not dare hope to find that again and once I had it, I was not willing to do without. And the things I learned from them were too numerous, and I am too grateful for them to even start. But each and every one of them was an incredible lesson, and never one I expected.
There are so many reasons that having a best friend at work matters for your engagement. But more than anything else, it matters for YOU. And if you find yourself in an environment where you are not finding anyone with the potential to be that person, even if it doesn't turn into a 20+ friendship, then it's worth asking if that is an environment that makes sense for you, too.
I hope you have an amazing week. And when you do see your best friend at work, consider what you've learned from them. It's worth saying thank you, even if it takes you a while to get to it.
P.S. All of those people above are still a core part of my circle of friends I'd never consider trying to do without. Not all BFFs from work end up that way, but the ones who are truly invaluable can be.
P.P.S. For all those I didn't list... mea culpa. Space! Brevity. I'll buy you a beer. I promise. And I love you. xoxo
