Well, we've made it to the Western Slope of Colorado, and are getting settled in. More or less. The California girl in me who used to come to Colorado during summers with her grandparents is having a lot of re-awakening memories. And the grown woman is trying to find her sea... er... mountain?... legs at 5,000 feet.
This last week has been an unexpected lesson in something that I want to tackle today: the dangers that can arise out of an uncontrollable need to be right above all else.
I have to freely admit that this was historically one of my biggest weaknesses -- though, it took a long time for me to recognize it as a weakness and not a strength. A mentor once described me as "not suffering fools gladly," which I took as a compliment at the time. Now that sentiment makes me blanch.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being right. It's validating. It helps us process the validity of our own perceptions against the external reality. The problem is not in being right, or even WANTING to be right. The challenge is when being right is the dominant need that overrides other, bigger, more important needs.
One of the things I see in relationship of all kinds -- business relationships, parents/children, spouses, etc. -- is that the short-term need to be right comes with a price tag that is bigger than we often realize in the moment. And over time, repeatedly succumbing to it can take a very steep toll on trust, empathy and respect.
Certainly, there are times and ways in which being right can be important. Knowing for certain that you've provided all the information you can to the IRS during an audit or that the pre-flight inspection was completed properly before take-off are places where being confident in your abilities are important.
The hardest lesson I had to learn about my need to be right was that it made me look arrogant, judgmental and unsympathetic. And that caused people to avoid telling me things I needed to know -- both at work, and at home. A person's willingness to be vulnerable with you is directly proportionate to their belief in your ability to be empathetic. And judgment and empathy are antithetical to each other.
My brother-from-another-mother used to tell our Ukrainian novices just learning how to interact with American clients a basic rule that helped them with awkward interactions. Before saying anything, ask themselves:
Once upon a time that seemed overly simplistic to me. But more than a decade later, it feels right on the money. And what I like about those filters, is that when you apply them, my need to be right really doesn't make the cut.
Empathy wins.
Lawrence and I are planning to start Season 2 of Grow or Die the week after Labor Day, to finish giving me time to move into my new home. In the meantime, he's producing tons of content, so if you don't already, I'd recommend following him on IG and LI.
I hope you have a wonderful week!
